


#2: Door

by RocioWrites



Series: 20 words [2]
Category: Jurassic Park III (2001)
Genre: M/M, Post-Movie(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-27 00:04:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1707503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RocioWrites/pseuds/RocioWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s just a door, he convinces himself. It is. However, it’s more that than. It’s all the things that keep them apart, all the hurt and all the suffering and all the stupid things he said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	#2: Door

He hears the whispers and the steps, people coming and going and it’s driving him insane. He’s been standing on the same spot for far too long but he can’t make out his mind about moving.

He knows what he needs to do, and he’s still in the middle of the hallway, watching the white walls and counting everyone who passes by his side giving him a weird look. It’s only logical, it  _really_  has been a long time since he got there. And he can’t fucking move.

Alan hasn’t seen Billy since he was rushed into surgery to fix his leg. Eric keeps in touch with both of them so he gets daily reports on the younger man’s health, he knows surgery went well but he has a few broken bones, he can’t leave the hospital just yet. It’ll take time to heal completely, to be back on his two feet again.

It’ll take time to erase the feeling of constant danger, the hypervigilance, the fear. It’ll never go away entirely anyway, Alan  _knows_.

"Can I help you sir?" The voice is too sweet and soft, like she doesn’t want to disturb him. He blinks a few times to clear his fogged mind and it takes less than a second to recognize in her eyes what she’s thinking. That Alan belongs to the psychiatric guard of the hospital. Hell no.

"I’m looking for a room." He answers and the smile on her face is unnerving like she doesn’t believe him. "Billy Brennan." He adds immediately and her mouth snaps shut. She knows who he’s talking about.

And his chest constricts itself because really, Billy is the kind of guy who makes every women notice him.  _Old stupid Alan_.

"Oh, in that case his room is right there." The nurse points to where he knows Billy’s resting. He just needs to work up the courage to go there now. 

"Thank you." Comes the reply through gritted teeth. And she keeps watching him so he doesn’t have any other option.

It’s just a door, he convinces himself. It is. However, it’s more that than. It’s all the things that keep them apart, all the hurt and all the suffering and all the stupid things he said. It’s the way he can’t forgive himself for this and the way he can’t let Billy say he’s forgiven. No. It’s more than a simple door. It’s the distance, and the longing and the commitment opening that door means.

Alan is fucking scared. He knows what he needs to do and still…

On the other hand, if he doesn’t open it, if he doesn’t go inside and face what is about to come, he’s not going to get another chance to clear this out.

So he takes a deep breath and walks in. And for a moment everything stops, the world is not moving, the air is basically a bunch of quiet wind. Billy looks a lot better than the last time, no blood, bruises healing. He has one arm and one leg completely useless for now. The head bandage is gone, thanks God. His eyes are alive, much like last time,  _he’s going to get over this_. Yes, Alan knows.

"Dr. Grant…" The surprise is so vivid that his eyes go wide, he doesn’t believe Alan’s here. And right there he died a bit.  _Really?_  Dr. Grant? Now, that they’re alone, finally seeing each other after all that has happened?

"Mr. Brennan." The smile that he earns saying this almost makes it worth it. Alan nods and gives a few more steps into the room. "How are you doing? Better, it seems."

Alan sits on the chair at the right side of the bed, leaving his hat on the empty bedside table. Billy watches it, because that’s the same fedora he got back for Alan. It’s silly but it means so much.

"A lot better."

"Good."

They look at each other in silence. Billy’s smile is warm but it’s not the big bright smile he used to show. Alan gets it, you don’t go into a near death experience like the one they lived without losing some… happiness, to say it somehow.

Alan is thinner, Billy notices right away. The man doesn’t have someone who reminds him he has to stop and eat. The awful cuts on his face are invisible now and it almost seems like none of that nightmare has happened. Billy can entertain that thought a bit too much but in the end the pain brings him back to reality. They were fucking chased by living dinosaurs.

"And how are you?"

 _This is awkward_ , Alan thinks. More than it should be, Billy was such a nice and comfortable company and now they’re tiptoeing around each other.

"Been better." He confesses. He’s not sure what exactly he means by that. And Billy’s eyebrow rises but he doesn’t ask any further. Maybe the young man knows. It’s not that hard to figure it out, really. "I’m very impressed. Every nurse knows who you are, it was too easy to find your room, everyone knows Billy Brennan’s room."

It’s bitter, saying that. Billy is taken aback and he’s right at being offended. Shit, Alan is here to mend things not to make it worse. He’s about to whisper  _sorry_ when Billy half-smiles. And that’s what it’s really killing him, seeing Billy so… gaunt all of a sudden. Like all the light has been drained out of him.

"What can I say? I’m so popular…" He laughs. Broken and just, no, this is not what they need. Not how it should be.

"I’m sorry." Alan interrupts. Yes, exactly. But no, because he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven, remember? He rubs his tired eyes and he’s so lost. Big famous Dr. Grant is trying to figure out how to explain the mess in his head. "I’m the reason you almost died, I should have known better, I… I shouldn’t have said all those things and I’m so fucking sorry. If I could go back in time I’d fix it, I don’t know how but I’d do it. And I’d make sure you could stay safe and sound Billy, because this wasn’t fair for you. You did everything to be the hero and you’re the one lying on a hospital bed. And it’s not fair and it’s my fault. And I’m sorry. So sorry. Just tell me how can I make it better."

_Don’t forgive me, don’t tell me._

"Alan." He’s on the verge of crying his eyes out when Billy says his name so softly, so melodic. Like it’s meant to placate the ocean of emotions that has come to the surface. "Alan, it’s okay."

"It’s not!" And when did he turn into an emotional disaster, he doesn’t know. It must have been when he opened that damn door. Billy reaches out and holds his left wrist with his good arm, just now Alan realizes he’s been wildly gesturing with his arms and hands.

"Deep breaths. Calm down a bit." And there’s that indulgent smile Alan loves. "Breathe in, breathe out. Calm down, please."

Alan does so, they both breathe in and out, in rhythm.

"I’m sorry."

"I know. I’m sorry too, I did stupid things on that island."

"I said stupid things on that island." Alan hurries to reply.

"They weren’t stupid at the moment, Alan. I stole ‘raptor eggs, you know?" The tone is easy and calm and Billy has a nice smile that it’s almost like the one he used to have. He’s joking about this and that’s a good sign. "And what you said… it hurt, I’m not going to lie but you were right. I had good intentions but I put us all in danger, it was a stupid thing to do."

"You’re not like the men who built that place."

"Yeah. I know when you get all mad and say these things you later regret. I know you quite a bit, to be honest." And the hand holding his wrist slowly but surely makes a journey to his hand. Have they hold hands before? They had shaken hands, but holding? Not that he remembers. And it’s nice and confortable and old grumpy Alan smiles. "We’ve been through a lot."

"That’s true." He pauses. "I’m sorry it took me this long to come to see you."

"Stop saying you’re sorry, okay? I understand, we’re good. It’s okay. I’m okay. I’ll be better soon."

"You will." He repeats, trying it out on his own tongue.

"And what about you? Are you going to be okay?" Billy squeezes his hand reassuringly. Alan just nods because he now has a lump in his throat. "That’s good. Because I’m gonna need that job as your assistant once I’m outta here."

"I hope your first payment goes to a new lucky bag-pack." He jokes and Billy laughs good-naturedly.

It’s a bit weird how they fall into silence, just holding hands. They’re not looking at each other but it’s peaceful and more perfect than Alan could have ever imagine this going.

"Billy, I…"

"I know." Alan eyes him up and down. "You don’t have to say it, really, I know it and that’s enough."

"I’ve already said it."

"What?" Billy blurts, confused.

And Alan may or may not feel the blush creep into his cheeks.

"When we all arrived at the hospital. The doctors took the Kirbys away and while you were unconscious I said it. I was so afraid you were going to die, you were fine and then out of the blue you passed out, I was so scared Billy."

"Oh." He thinks about it. "So, uh, I haven’t answered yet then?"

"I guess so."

"I love you, Alan Grant. Also, I wish I was healthy enough to celebrate it properly." Billy winks at him and it’s hilarious instead of sexy but it’s just perfect for Alan.

"Hush Mr. Brennan." And never unlinking hands he moves over Billy, careful of all the injuries and bandages. "I love you." He whispers against his lips just before diving in for a much needed kiss. Finally.

It’s not an extra passionate kiss, there’s not much contact either (people with broken bones tend to be in pain constantly, go figure). Nonetheless, it’s the kiss that seals the deal, the kiss that brings them together once again and once again Alan can leave his insecurities behind and try to make Billy happy.

 _Maybe_ , Alan thinks,  _I opened that door a long time ago_.


End file.
